undated piece #1
Posted by Amos in Uncategorized on March 5th, 2010
I found this ramble on a sheet of yellow legal notepad paper. I know I wrote it, I just dont know when . . . I can guess, but that would do no one any favors . . . its pretty raw . . . parts of it were hard to read, part of it took a while to decipher, I wasnt exactly paying attention to make sure I could understand it later when I found it again . . . but here it is . . .
I am nothing. Nothing at all.
And still I think I am, though time and time again I have been proven wrong.
I am a soul in conflict, nothing is quite what it seems.
The things I want, I do not need.
The things I need, I dont know I need.
The things I desire most are also the scariest.
Torment and torture of my body I can bear, there is only so much pain.
But the things in my head swing back and forth, wreaking havoc on my soul.
The battle within in the greatest fight ever fought, and I am losing BOTH sides.
The thoughts of my heart can barely even form on my tongue,
Before they are changed or countered or immediately second guessed.
philippians 4:11
Posted by Amos in Uncategorized on February 24th, 2010
Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content.
These words show us that contentment is not a natural propensity of man. ” Ill weeds grow apace.” Covetousness, discontent, and murmuring are as natural to man as thorns are to the soil. We need not sow thistles and brambles; they come up naturally enough, because they are indigenous to earth: and so, we need not teach men to complain; they complain fast enough without any education. But the precious things of the earth must be cultivated. If we would have wheat, we must plough and sow; if we want flowers, there must be the garden, and all the gardener’s care. Now, contentment is one of the flowers of heaven, and if we would have it, it must be cultivated; it will not grow in us by nature; it is the new nature alone that can produce it, and even then we must be specially careful and watchful that we maintain and cultivate the grace which God has sown in us. Paul says, “I have learned…to be content,” as much as to say, he did now know how at one time. It cost him some pains to attain to the mystery of that great truth. No doubt he sometimes thought he had learned, and then broke down. And when at last he had attained unto it, and could say, “I have learned in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content,” he was an old, grey-headed man, upon the borders of the grave – a poor prisoner shut up in Nero’s dungeon in Rome. We might be willing to endure Paul’s infirmities, and share the cold dungeon with him, if we too might by any means attain unto his good degree. Do not indulge the notion that you can be contented with learning, or learn without discipline. It is not a power that may be excercised naturally, but a science to be acquired gradually. We know this from experience. Brother, hush that murmur, natural though it be, and continue a diligent pupil in the College of Content.
- Charles Spurgeon “Morning by Morning Devotional”
and then it was February . . . well, almost . . .
I know its been a while. Things have been busy, hopping right along just as fast as they can. Its kinda scary that I wrote last in mid-November and here it is the beginning of January and I havent had a whole lot cross my mind here to post. But I guess in some ways thats a good thing, it means my life has reached that boring peak of predictibility and routine. Nothing new or crazy going on anymore, everything under control.
Hahaha, riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight!
What it really means is that I have just been neglecting to write. Getting home from work and crashing before getting up and chasing my tail in circles and then heading back to work. Its not a good excuse, but it sure feels like it. 
So, what HAVE I been up to?
I really dont know.
Ive been working, still with Security at Master’s, and I was taking a class this past semester. It basically kicked my butt, I was so confused with the assigned reading and even our ‘lectures’. But in the end, it made enough sense that I got an A- for the semester. I was happy. I was VERY happy. My cumulative GPA actually went UP!! It was nice.
Otherwise a lot of things were just status-quo. Work , sleep, groceries and all those normal sorts of things in life that seem to take over and run you out of time every day.
About 3 weeks ago, Jennica was able to go home with me! We had a pretty good time, there was a lot of snow thanks to a weather front that went through the day before we got there. But we had a good time nontheless. Jennica wasnt as frozen as she thought she was going to be, which is good, cause frozen girlfriend would have been terrible!!
She met way too many people to remember at our Open House, but she was glad to be there for it. I for one was also very glad that she got to come My grandpa turned up and that was a surprise to everyone!! But a very good surprise, I counted back and it had been 5-6 years since I had seen him. So it was really good to see him and get to talk to him for a little bit.
There was of course the usual hodge-podge of people that came, family friends, extended family, neighbors, a few of my sister’s co-workers, and I dont know who all else. A lot of food was eaten and many stories told. It was a great afternoon!!
In other, other news . . . one of my roommates is getting married in April, so if you know of anyone out here in the greater Los Angeles area that is looking for somewhere to live, send him our way! We have an unfurnished room and are looking for a Christian guy to live with us . . . let me know!
the books of 2009
Posted by Amos in Uncategorized on January 5th, 2010
I know Ive done this not all that long ago, but with the turning of the new year, Ive decided to start this list over. So you’ll find the various books Ive read in the last 7 months listed below . . . some of them were for school (since Im still working on actually getting my hands ON my degree) and the rest were mostly just for the sake of reading them . . . what other reason is there for reading??
The Sandstorm: The Arab-Israeli War of 1967: Prelude and Aftermath
- David Kimche and Dan Bawly
I, Robot
The Caves of Steel
The Naked Sun
The Robots of Dawn
- Isaac Asimov
The Hobbit
- J.R.R. Tolkien
The Postmodern Condition: A Report on Knowledge
- Jean-Francois Lyotard
Student Loan Debt – Get Out from Under Once and for All
- Brian O’Connell
Blue Like Jazz
- Donald Miller
Simulacra & Simulation
- Jean Baudrillard
The Surrogates
- Robert Venditti & Brett Weldele
The Total Money Makeover
- Dave Ramsey
Deal With Your Debt
- Liz Pulliam Weston
and portions of:
Mere Christianity
- C.S. Lewis
Nine Marks of a Healthy Church
- Mark Dever
Desiring God
- John Piper
Objectivity, Relativism and Truth
- Richard Rorty
Postmodern Theory
- Steven Best & Douglas Kellner
Postmodernism, or, The Logic of Late Capitalism
- Fredric Jameson
timing
Posted by Amos in news, the writings on November 16th, 2009
I guess its been a really long time since I posted last, and I really cant point to any ONE thing as causing that. It really just boils down to the simple fact that when I have time to write, I dont have the ideas; and when I have an idea to blog about, I dont have the time to sit down and write it!
Oh well, such is life.
there have been a few things that have happened that Id like to share though, so this will probably be more of an activities update than anything else.
a comment on God’s sovereignty: last week Tuesday I was working and one of the guys called in sick, not sure what it was, he didnt tell ME but it came down from my director that he was out for several days and they were going to be tweaking the schedule to cover for him. Not a big deal really, but our department is scheduled really tightly, so it was a bit of a juggling act to pull it all together, but they did.
my Thursday shift got bumped to Saturday morning, which was fine, but I was kinda annoyed since I was going to play frisbee that morning. Oh well, right? Thursday morning Jennica wakes me up cause her car wont start and she needs to get to work, so I go pick her up and drop her off at school (shes a substitute teacher) and carry on with my day returning to pick her up after school is out. THEN we go back to her place and try to sort out the car issues. No luck. Turns out at the end of the day we needed to tow it to the shop and they replaced the starter, works just fine NOW 
anyway, about the time we were getting started on the whole tow-to-the-shop bit was the same time that I should have been schedule for work, except for the sick-o changing everything up last week. Hmmm . . .
and we get to the shop and they have all the paperwork sorted out and then Jennica needs to get to her tutoring appointment AND she has a job on Friday too . . . so I let her borrow my car, since I didnt need it now, right?
Friday evening we picked up her car and everything is fine. Back to normal.
but I cant help but sit here in wonder at how perfectly everything worked out. I mean, if I had been scheduled to work, there was no way I would have been able to help her out, to be able to drop everything and make sure that her car got to the shop and everything was started ASAP.
its just the plain simple fact that God knew was what going to happen, and gave me the day off (however grudgingly I was about it) and then had everything work out with the least inconvenience to either of us. Its amazing!
After it was all done, I just had one of those moments where I saw how it all worked together. My desire is to be where I can help Jennica with whatever comes up, and I know that if I had been working that day, I would have been majorly frustrated that I couldnt help her with this. So . . . yeah, I dont know . . . its just a story of how God knows what He’s doing and should just remind me to check MY attitude when things dont go the way I think they are supposed to go.
Hopefully this helps you to gain perspective in the midst of whatever is going on in your life right now. God is tweaking things for the best benefit of everyone involved. NOT just you, OR the way you see it. God has the big picture and even though things often times WONT make ANY sense to me, HE sees it all and makes sure that He puts YOU in the ONLY spot that will work.
Hang in there friends, life is NOT like the movies, but in the end, we DO have a beautiful ending, the BEST ending possible.