undated piece #1

I found this ramble on a sheet of yellow legal notepad paper. I know I wrote it, I just dont know when . . . I can guess, but that would do no one any favors . . . its pretty raw . . . parts of it were hard to read, part of it took a while to decipher, I wasnt exactly paying attention to make sure I could understand it later when I found it again . . . but here it is . . .

I am nothing. Nothing at all.
And still I think I am, though time and time again I have been proven wrong.
I am a soul in conflict, nothing is quite what it seems.

The things I want, I do not need.
The things I need, I dont know I need.
The things I desire most are also the scariest.
Torment and torture of my body I can bear, there is only so much pain.
But the things in my head swing back and forth, wreaking havoc on my soul.

The battle within in the greatest fight ever fought, and I am losing BOTH sides.

The thoughts of my heart can barely even form on my tongue,
Before they are changed or countered or immediately second guessed.